


Zinnias

by Shippers_Roost



Category: The Nightblade Epic - Garrett Robinson
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Implied/Referenced Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24490534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shippers_Roost/pseuds/Shippers_Roost
Summary: ****Spoilers for A Cloak of Red***On the anniversary of the worst day of her life, Theren rediscovers the need to accept support from her friends and loved ones.
Relationships: Theren/Lilith Yerrin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Zinnias

**Author's Note:**

> Congrats on the success of ACoR Brenna!

Theren narrowly dodged yet another burst of flames, but stepped right into the path of one of Kaewa’s lightning bolts. The shock of it was enough to send her stumbling, and she lashed out with magic, intending to shove the elementalist away.

There was a sharp _snap_ , and her power fled, her magic dispelled in an instant. Theren sat, wearily wiping sweat from her brow. She didn’t need to hear it from Kaewa, she knew that she had failed their lesson. 

Kaewa crouched before her, brow crinkled with concern as she signed. “You were supposed to practice dodging spells, not flinging them back.”

Theren sighed, signing her reply. “I know. Forgive me Kaewa, my mind is not all here today.”

“Did you mayhap leave it in your room?”

Theren offered a weak grin, more at the Mystic’s broad smile than her joke. “No, I fear it is not so close. I find my thoughts are drifting towards the Seat. It will pass in time.”

At least, she hoped it would. It had been easy to lose track of the days at Ammon. The Mystic fortress demanded routine, and days blurred into one another with little to distinguish them. For a time, Theren had almost forgotten what winter’s approaching end had signified.

“Do you want to talk?” Kaewa asked, and there was genuine concern in her eyes. 

“No,” Theren said, shaking her head. “It will pass. Thank you.”

“Let us take a break for the day,” Kaewa signed. “We can resume training after Yearsend passes.”

Theren didn’t flinch, but it was a near thing. Bad enough to face this anniversary at all, but now, in a fortress filled with redcloaks, it was impossible for Theren to forget the significance of the date.

“Thank you,” she said again, signing her words as she spoke them. 

******

Theren’s afternoons were taken by training with Junan and her unit, and she thanked the sky that Kaewa had released her early as she trudged through the halls of Ammon. She wasn’t yet ready to face a sea of redcloaks, and her thoughts turned once again towards the Seat and her memories of the darkness that had taken place there.

When she arrived at her quarters, she was unsurprised to find Lilith still there, bent over a length of parchment and scribbling away with her quill. 

“You’re back early,” Lilith said, looking over her shoulder as Theren perched on the edge of their bed. “Is everything all right?”

Guilt gnawed at Theren again, and though she longed to ease her own burden, she couldn’t put that on Lilith’s shoulders. “I am fine, Kaewa and I simply finished earlier than expected.”

She pressed a kiss to Lilith’s shoulder. “What of your day? How has it been?”

Lilith gave her a long look, but didn’t press the issue. Inwardly, Theren breathed a sigh of relief. She would gladly relive those horrific days a thousand times over, if it meant sparing Lilith the same fate.

“I am drafting another letter to Ebon and Kalem,” Lilith said at last, capping her quill and setting her letter to the side. “They will not receive it until after Yearsend, but it feels wrong to not send them something for the occasion.”

Theren closed her eyes. So, Lilith did know the date, despite her own efforts to avoid mentioning it. She couldn’t understand how the other girl was so calm when discussing it. Even now, Theren’s heart felt like it could burst from her chest at the mere mention of the holiday. 

A cool hand gripped hers, and the bed shifted as Lilith sat down beside her. “Theren, what’s wrong?”

Theren forced her eyes open, and plastered a smile across her lips. “Nothing. I am just tired. These past months have taken their toll.”

Lilith frowned and drew back, the sudden absence of her touch saying more than words ever could. “You know that you can talk to me about anything. Whatever is bothering you, I want to help.”

“I am fine,” Theren said again, and she could see by the look in her eyes that Lilith didn’t believe her. “Please, think nothing of it. I will feel better after some rest.”

“Very well,” Lilith said, and there was a sudden stiffness in her tone that tore at Theren’s heart. “I have a meeting with the Chancellor that I must prepare for.” She grabbed a stack of parchment from her desk and swept out of their tiny quarters. 

Theren cursed under her breath, putting her head in her hands. She had only meant to protect Lilith. She had never wanted things to go like this. 

*****

When the bell for the midday meal rang, Theren was wandering the grounds, trying to calm her mind. Though it was still winter, it had been unseasonably warm for the past few days, and the ground was free of snow and ice.

She wasn’t being rational, part of her knew that. There was nothing special about the one year mark that made the memories worse, and she certainly wasn’t naive enough to assume that either of them would forget their experiences regardless of any external reminders, but even so, she was supposed to support Lilith, not weigh her down with constant reminders of the worst days of their lives.

No, this was Theren’s battle to fight. It was her mind that refused to be silenced. She would never ask Lilith to take on that extra burden, no matter how much it might hurt. With a huff, she sat down upon a nearby boulder and ran her hands through her hair.

If Theren was completely honest with herself, she understood Lilith’s reaction. After everything they had gone through together, the idea that they would keep secrets from one another was laughable. She knew that if their roles were reversed, she would be demanding answers from Lilith, fretting over her all the while.

Theren even admitted that she would be willing to help Lilith with anything, even her darkest memories. But that didn’t mean she was willing to ask the other girl to do the same for her. 

Sighing, Theren cast her gaze around the small clearing. She was thinking in circles again, she had been for hours, ever since she had woken up that morning. She had always preferred action to thinking, in large part to avoid situations like this, where she was chasing the same thoughts around and around in her head. 

A shock of pink at the edge of the clearing caught her eye, and Theren frowned, moving closer to see it. Zinnias. There was a small patch of zinnias growing beneath the tree line. Her mind flashed back to the merchant on the Seat, who had sold her a similar bunch. 

The zinnias had been a tiny thing, a small way for Theren to show Lilith that she cared, and that she appreciated all of the sacrifices that had been made on her behalf. Those flowers had been lost when Ilya arrested her that same morning, the act that led to her signing with the Mystics in the first place. Which in turn had led to Lilith halting her education and leaving the Seat behind to follow her. She had sacrificed everything to make sure that they could stay together.

Theren sighed. She knew what she had to do. She had always known. It wasn’t always easy, loving someone as strong-willed as Lilith. Theren loved her enough to want to spare her the pain of the memories, but that also meant that she had to accept that Lilith loved her just as much. 

She used a dagger to cut the flowers free, wrapped them in a spare scrap of cloth, and tucked them into her cloak pocket. In the distance, she could hear the final bell of the midday meal ringing, but she ignored it. She could afford to miss a single lesson with Junan. Lilith was far more important. 

*****

At the door to their shared quarters, Theren hesitated again. She felt awkward now, returning with her bundle in tow. By all rights, it should have been her comforting Lilith today, and not the reverse. Part of her was tempted to flee, but she squashed that down. She had made her decision already. She wasn’t going to take it back now.

Finally, Theren screwed up every bit of courage that she could muster and opened the door. Lilith looked up from her desk, lips twisted into a frown. “Kaewa is looking for you. You worried her today. You worried me too.”

“You were right to worry,” Theren admitted, taking a seat on the edge of the bed again. “I’m not in my right mind today. Everything feels like too much, and I can’t escape it.

“That’s what you have me for,” Lilith said, and there was the slightest tremble in her voice, so faint that Theren doubted anyone else would have even noticed it. “To share your burdens when times are difficult.”

“I know.” Theren sighed, trying to put her words into feelings. She had never been the diplomatic type, never been the one to find just the right words to say. “It doesn’t feel right, putting this on you. But you’re right, it is too much for me to carry alone.”

Lilith took both of Theren’s hands in hers this time, squeezing them gently. “Tell me.”

Taking a deep breath, Theren spoke at last. “Do you know what today is?”

A dark shadow crossed Lilith’s face, but she didn’t falter. “Yes.”

Theren shuddered, her words coming thickly now. “It was one year ago that I saw them drag you from the Academy. I can’t sit here, in a Mystic stronghold, surrounded by Mystics and not think about it, especially not on today of all days. I may be able to live with what they did to me, but I earned my punishment. You were innocent.”

“I can’t take away your memories, or make you hate this day any less, but it might help to know that doesn’t hold any weight with me,” Lilith said quietly, and she kissed Theren’s knuckles. “I won’t pretend that I don’t carry scars from my time with the redcloaks, but I can move past them, because I am with you. I don’t forget that the first face I saw when I was freed was yours, or that you were the first person to hold me afterwards. Any time that I feel the weight of their knives on me, I need only to reach for you to know that they are gone, and that they will never come for me again.” 

“I don’t deserve you,” Theren whispered. “If I wasn’t so selfish, I might tell you to find someone more worthy of your goodness.”

Lilith frowned. “I don’t want someone else. I want you Theren, all of you. But I also need you to be honest with me. Don’t bury your pain on my account. Whatever our burdens are, they are easier to bear when we are together.”

“You are right of course,” Theren said, managing to flash a weak smile. “Mayhap someday I will learn to listen to you the first time.”

“Mayhap,” Lilith agreed. “And mayhap someday you will willingly awaken at dawn. But I will not hold my breath for either case.”

Theren kissed her then, trying to put a lot of unsaid feelings into the gesture. Her message seemed to be understood, for Lilith wrapped her in a tight embrace and returned the kiss with equal vigor.

When they lay back on their bed together some time later, Theren belatedly remembered the wrapped package in her pocket, its contents no doubt crushed by the weight of the cloak and the rest of their garments. She sighed, that was the second time she had failed to follow through on her gift to Lilith, but then, it had never really been about the zinnias, had it?


End file.
